I Stayed Home

Help me out, here.

The last few months have been interesting for me.  At the beginning of the year sometime, I forget exactly when, our church announced an upcoming missions trip to Jido, Ethiopia.  It is a small, small town in Africa to which I have never been, but I have seen so many pictures and heard so many stories.  People I love very much have gone there and come back changed and so in love that it is contagious.  They announced that the trip would be the first week of August.  I held hope in my heart that this time, maybe I could go.  When Brandt casually mentioned that the timing would be perfect for us since it is exactly between when summer school ends and regular school begins, I took it as a sign that we were meant to go - I never expected him to have any interest in going at all.  I wanted to go as a family.  I wanted us to be able to have that experience all together, because I have also seen people go and come back and I see the look in their eyes as they try to explain, but they just can't get it across to you exactly and they know you will never understand unless you go yourself.  I really, really wanted us to go, to understand.  I want to understand.  But God said no, not this time.

What do I do with that?  We tried to help raise money.  We prayed.  We organized prayer with other people.  We took care of someone's child for part of the time, so she could go.  We picked up from the airport.  Little things, that I know were important, but still.

They came back so full.  I hear them try to explain, see that same look in their eyes and hear it in their voices.  I know I missed it again.  I read what one of them wrote.  She walked into a church service in a language she didn't understand and she knew exactly that she was home.  She was with her brothers and sisters and she knew God with them together, and it didn't matter that she looked so different or usually goes to a church with a different style of music and format or spoke. a. different. language.

I think that's the thing I'm struggling with.  I'm afraid for our Church.  Not just "my" church that I go to, but the whole body of Christ in America.  I shouldn't have to go across the world just to find that purity of worship, should I?  Shouldn't I be able to walk into any church that loves God and experience the same thing?  And I'm a little bit past the why of the question because I'm tired of just wondering.  I'm ready for the how - How do we change this?  How do I change this?  What do I do?  Is it just me that needs to change?  That could very well be.  I know I am at the very least part of the problem.  Maybe that spirit is there and I am just not open to it.  Maybe I'm not even asking the right questions.  I'm not sure.

So, you who have been there, may I join you?  What do we do now?