I was going to do a post on being a mom, but I'm not ready to do that yet. It's hard, we know. It's hard for everybody, you just have to do it and learn to love it (I am, I really am). So I'm not ready to write about it because I feel like I have nothing new or very inspired to say. (Haha, I'm so weird. After I wrote that I immediately thought, "Hey! I know what I want to say!" So I wrote a sentence down to write about later. Anyway...)
Today I want to talk about one more struggle I am having. After I talked about the others, they seemed to get a little better, so I might as well keep going, right? This one is different, but totally related to my other struggle.
I want a house so bad. Sigh. I know, I need to learn to be content. I am so blessed. I have a place to live that is warm and safe and in the town where we want to live. It's even bigger than the house where I lived with my parents until I was 7. But. I want to be settled. I want to live somewhere and not move any more. I want to own it and be able to do anything I want to it.
It might seem like a silly thing, but I have moved every year since college except one (I switched roommates that year instead of moving). I have lived in 7 different houses in the last 7 years. In the first apartment I moved into I painted every room and put up pictures and decorated. I made it homey. The next place I painted, but I didn't quite unpack everything. Every house since then I have done less and less until now I haven't even considered painting and didn't bother unpacking anything decorative. I just don't have the will to make yet another house a home if I'm not staying here long. That mentality is taxing on me because I don't have a sanctuary. My house is more of a frustration than a home base. I look at the mess around me that I can't figure out what to do with and just sort of give up. Why bother getting everything organized again? But when my environment is scattered, my brain is, too. (Which is all I need when I am running on minimal sleep).
The other thing is that we are renting and our rent is as much as a mortgage payment would be, if not more. It's at the top of our budget, so we aren't really able to save very much (when we do our car breaks down and we use all the savings to fix it). Which means we will never have enough for a down payment.
There, I said it. My whine is complete. I'm sorry for being so materialistic. I truly want to learn to be content in whatever situation I am in. If you have advice or prayers for me, I will gladly take them.
Kathy,
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel. I grew up moving every other year until I was in middle school. When Pete & I married, I wanted a home of our own more than anything, especially after we had children. Don't be afraid to dream and pray your dreams to the Father.
If you'd like to read the story about our house, check out: http://blog.dawnaldrich.com/2010/06/good-gift.html
Dawn
Don't really know what to say, but I can empathize. I know when my house is a mess, I am more a mess in my thoughts, patience, and so many other things. We have lived in this house for over 5 years, and we own it (bitter sweet in this current market)...but I long for a slightly larger home of my own! We started with a 700 sq ft home and have built on and expanded to about 1100 sq ft maybe. We have made this house a home, most defintely, and very cozy, but OH to have more space...and more closets (2 real closets in our whole home!)...not much for the almost 6 of us! You know you need something bigger when the kids only have an ottoman to run around! lol...now there is my whining. I too am appreciative (and content) with where I am at, but it sure doesn't hurt to dream! Love you girl. Sorry you have been shuffled so much. I would suggest start with one box...and as difficult as it is, just unpack and make it home. Because that is what it is for now...however long that may be. You may regret it when it is time to pack it away, but until then, you will have less to remind you of how often you move and your heart may feel a little more settled.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand, Kathy ! We've moved so much and I have that same tendency to become de-motivated-- (sad face) First-- are you allowed to paint the rooms? If so, take one room at a time-- no more , no less-- just start on one room-- with paint swatches, etc. -- Once it's painted the color you like , it's amazing what that does for your heart & motivation level ! You'll find yourself completing a whole decorating theme before you know it in that one room -- which...will motivate you to take one more room -- The deal is: Only one small project at a time -- It's more manageable and affordable, too ! That ONE room can be your sanctuary until another one gets done. Besides, maybe they'll sell you that house one day and it'll belong to you after all ;-) I'll pray for you ! -- but don't feel like that's materialistic...that's just a woman/mom/wife wanting to feel settled with her family and it's living out the image of God actually -- He created the beauty that we love to be a part of and He created you to enjoy peace and a sanctuary ! It's not whining -- it's real ;-)
ReplyDeleteLove you ~ Joy